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Sarah Bessey: When you feel a bit selfish for pursuing your calling

September 7, 2015

In our new house, I have a little room of my own. Well, technically it’s not “my own” – it doubles as a guest room. But since the guest bed is a hide-a-bed, I’ll just go ahead and call it my “office” so that I feel like a proper adult. I’ve always had a bit of a laugh when serious well-meaning folks ask me about my “writing space” as if it’s a magical area. Nope. I have done 99% of my writing at the kitchen table or a noisy coffee shop or the public library. But now I have my own little room at the bottom of the stairs in the basement: the carpet smells a bit musty, there’s a hearth for a wood stove that doesn’t work, and cedar paneling that has endured since 1983. I love it mostly because I’ve established a No Tinies Allowed Here rule.The other night, I had to do a few final checks on my book manuscript and it was urgent. It has been a busy month with our move in particular, so busy that I hadn’t really properly written or worked for the entire time except as snatches during 30 minutes of Phineas and Ferb for the tinies, so that night after we had cleaned up the supper dishes, I passed the baby to Brian, he set up the Monopoly board with the tinies, and I went downstairs to get my work done. I turned on a bit of music, made a cup of tea, lit a candle, and entered into my work with my full attention for the first time in far too long.

I came up to nurse Maggie an hour later and tuck her into bed. Brian put everyone else to bed. He came down to check on me at our usual bedtime four hours after I had begun, and I turned to him as one resurfacing after a spectacular deep sea dive, my grin wide and my whole being excited. He laughed at my euphoria. I said, I’m just so happy to be working! I love my job! I love having a quiet spot all to myself!

I finished the manuscript checks, got organized for the next week or two, made some plans, outlined some articles, that sort of thing. Hardly any great creative work but it was the kind of work that lays the groundwork for creativity. When I set up the scaffolding, it’s easier to build, I find. I sent the final docs off to my publisher, shut down the computer, blew out the candle, and floated off to bed. I slept like a champ, nursed in the middle of the night with joy, woke up in the morning singing, all of my energy restored by the simple act of doing the work I love to do. I felt more alive, more engaged with my life, in every way.

***To keep reading this fabulous and inspired post, please click here.

Joanne Costantino: Christmas in July: the Miracle of Music

“Why, Who makes much of a miracle?

As to me, I know of nothing else but miracles.” – Walt Whitman, Leaves of Grass

It was the middle of July and after a long day of work and errands. I was stationed in the kitchen preparing dinner.

My grandson, Mikey, was sitting in a saucer seat that bounced and had a sling seat that held him up, and let him spin in place, but he didn’t have that kind of mobility. With a traumatic brain injury from Shaken Baby abuse, Mikey was developmentally delayed.

With brain injuries there is no instruction manual to gauge potential or progress, especially in babies. Our everyday was filled with either anxious anticipation that he would make another benchmark of progress or ambivalent acceptance that there was no new development for this 18 month old baby who so fat and happy we called him BuddhaMan because when we propped him upright he sat just like a Happy Buddha.

HappyBuddha

While preparing dinner, I thought I heard a melodic and repetitive sound coming from him as he rocked side to side in his seat. My daughter Chris, Mike’s mom, noticed when I stopped in the middle of dinner prep and I leaned down toward his seat. Chris asked, “What’s the matter?”

“I think he’s singing,” I said.

Chris poo-pooed me in disdain, saying, “He can’t sing. He can’t even talk. You’re imagining things.” It was one of those days where she wasn’t so much disappointed, just ambivalent. I tried to be sympathetic when she was in these moods. It had to be spirit crushing to give birth to this beautiful baby and then have him brutalized by the person she loved. My constant mantra to her was, “We’re in this together,” trying to be supportive. But she was jaded and felt cheated and not open to miraculous possibilities.

I squatted down next to him and listened while he continued to rock side to side and making not so much a humming sound but more like a “huhhuhuuuhh, huhhuhhuuuhh”, but the there was definite melody to the sounds. He giggled and continued.

“I think he’s singing Jingle Bells!”

“No. He’s. Not. Where would he even get that from?” she asked. “It’s JULY! You WISH he was singing.”

“I still think he’s singing,” I said dismissively and went back to my dinner preparation.

The next day, I got a phone call from a very excited Chris. “You were right, Mom. He WAS singing Jingle Bells! They’re celebrating Christmas in July in daycare! They’re playing Christmas songs and movies! He’s SINGING!”

Music and this little miracle of an everyday activity in his daycare made something ‘click’ and sparked his capacity for speech. We knew where to go from there by singing more than speaking and he began to speak from that point on. There were many other instances when we thought Mikey might have topped out at progressing developmentally, but they were always negated by yet another breakthrough, where we got the message that there was more work to do with him. That was seventeen years ago.

Mike has a very melodic speaking and singing voice, but with adolescence, he won’t sing with people around. But he does sing with me when we are driving around. His favorites are Carly Simon’s “Mocking Bird” with James Taylor and Sarah McLachan’s “Angel,” which we sang to him as we rocked him while he was recovering and every evening at bedtime.

Sometimes Mike will ask me to pop in the Sarah McLachlan CD while we’re driving and naturally I do. There is no sweeter sound than this beautiful young man singing along with me, “You’re in the arms of the angels, May you find some comfort here.”

me and Buddha

Joanne Costantino is a Philly girl and “cafeteria Catholic” laywoman living in the wild suburbs of South Jersey, where she still pines for city life. She graduated from college in 2008, two weeks shy of the birth of her 4th grandchild. The “accidental matriarch” of a life she didn’t sign up for, Joanne chronicles that life at www.weneedmoresundaydinners.blogspot.com.

Alicia Davis Porterfield: Kitchen Table Pentecost, Take Two

“In our own languages we hear them speaking about God’s deed of power.” –Acts 2:11
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The kitchen is the heart of our home.

Not in the HGTV sparkling stainless steel, open concept, granite countertop kind of way. More in the stove from the ’70’s, cups all over the counter (because every time a boy needs a drink of water he also needs a new cup, saith nobody ever!), jelly on the floor kind of way.

At our kitchen table, three boys, ages 8, 10 and 12, discuss their days, the current sport of the season and entertain each other with displays of certain bodily functions. Belatedly, they tack on a mumbled “excuse me” when given the parental stink eye.

Yep, raising them up in the way they should go. That’s us.

The recent table talk is all about the NBA post season, which seems to last a legion of weeks, by the way. As some know, I am not a sports fanatic.

Every sports interview ever. - Imgur

I never learned to speak basketball.

Usually, the boys’ chatter washes over me at the table. I interject only to add, “Please chew with your mouth closed,” and “is your napkin on your lap?” and other such vital contributions.

Our middle child sometimes tries to include me.
“Mom, who do you like best: Kevin Love or Chris Paul?”
“Uhhhh . . who’s Kevin Love?”
“Mom!! Only my favorite player (this week, I add silently)! He’s on
the Taco Bell commercial. Chris Paul is the State Farm guy with the fake twin,
Cliff Paul.”
“Oh, right. Chris Paul. He seems like a good sport and his little boy is just
precious.”

But mostly, waves of baller-speak wash over me. I’m tuned out. Thinking about the Weight Watcher points in this meal and the list of chores between me and bedtime.

Pentecost is this Sunday, when the Holy Spirit swooshed down (get the Nike reference?!) and Jesus’ followers suddenly proclaimed the good news of Christ in languages they’d never before uttered. Passover travelers from all over the Mideast stood in Jerusalem’s streets hearing God’s good news in Christ in their own languages for the first time.

All they had to do was listen. The Spirit was speaking.

And so it is at our kitchen table. Baller-speak winds around me, telling me something important about each child and his perspective, his hopes, his burgeoning faith. With the language of courts and rosters and predictions, each one shares a subtle dialect, unique to who God is shaping him to be.

Sports-speak is not my native tongue. I may never learn to speak it well.

But if I open myself to the movement of the Spirit, I may just hear “God’s deeds of power” right there at our battered kitchen table. All I have to do is listen. Amen.

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This is an edited encore version of a post from Pentecost 2014. 

Rev. Alicia Davis Porterfield is fluent in Mom-speak thanks to the three boys she raises with her husband, Eric. The moderator of this blog, she is currently serving as interim pastor at FBC Carolina Beach.

Melanie Storie: Dust, Ash Wednesday and a Moment

For dust you are and to dust you shall return. Genesis 3:19

Like many families, my family eats on the run a lot.

We have ball practice – every kind of ball practice in every season. We have church and my husband is a pastor, so we have a lot more church than the average churchgoer. It seems like there is always church, which is mostly good, but on Wednesday “family night” suppers, Aidan sits with youth people, Owen sits with us, but “us” is usually me, because Matt is being the pastor and pastoring.

At home, eating in front of the TV became a habit for us because the DVR beckons us with her siren call. We have been together, but not together at all.

When my children were small, people would say to me, “Enjoy it now, because it goes so fast.” At the time, I thought those people were idiots. Diapers, late night feedings, temper tantrums, etc… bogged us down. It was going so slow and I was so sleepy.

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It’s only now that I am beginning to see that those idiots were wise. Time is callous and cruel. It moves on even when we realize it is really going way too fast.

So, I decided that this year, we would eat at the table as a family more. I wanted just a moment each day for us to slow time down.

Yesterday, my children were five and two years old. They were adorable and delightful. They snuggled with me. They let me read to them and sing to them. Fighting between them usually occurred over toys and away from the dinner table.

Today, my children are thirteen and ten years old. They are slightly more handsome than adorable. As they grow up, I am amazed to see glimpses of the men they will soon become.

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All of that said, I would sometimes like to run away from home. To a spa. Or a very quiet me-sized hole in a tree in a faraway wood.

Aidan holds an honorary doctorate in sarcasm and is working towards a master in surliness. At thirteen, he is taller than me, which makes him taller than most people. Owen, a blonde haired, blue-eyed cherub has career aspirations towards law enforcement, not so much for the action and weaponry as for the power to enforce THE RULES. And honestly, he’d look amazing in the uniform.

Their personalities are a lethal cocktail at the dinner table. Owen says something earnestly. Aidan says something witty and sarcastic which sounds mean in Owen’s pre-teen ears. There’s the “Can’t you take a joke?” and the “It wasn’t funny” and the “You just don’t get it” and the “You’re just a jerk.”

I briefly and fondly wish back the distant days of thrown peas and mashed potatoes. Those glorious high chair days.

We hadn’t even prayed yet.

“Okay,” I said in what had to be a moment of divine clarity. “This is getting out of hand.”

Protests of “he started it” and innocent looks of feigned ignorance were lobbed my way. I held up my hand. “Let’s go around the table and say something nice about each other.”

We each took a turn. The boys talked about the good they see their dad do with people in the community and at church. They actually listen and learn from his sermons. They love just spending time with him.

Apparently, they actually like each other too. They each think the other one is funny. They enjoy doing things together: video games, basketball, and laughing together. They like being brothers.

They like my cooking. Owen likes that I spend time at his school. And then my surly thirteen year old with a doctorate in sarcasm gives this insightful speech about how even though I don’t have a full time ministry job like my husband, my job is so important because I keep everything running. “You’re always there for me,” he said.

He couldn’t know about my mini mid-life crisis. This “what am I doing with my life” thing that I’ve been dealing with. But he wiped all of that foolishness away when he spoke from his heart between forkfuls of broccoli.

On the way to church later, they went back to griping, picking, and nagging. Aidan said his toothbrush tasted like soap.

Owen piped up from the back seat, “That’s because I put soap on it.”

I don’t have a perfect family, but I did have a perfect moment at the table with them. Our lives are made up of moments and most of them fly by so quickly, we barely notice them.

The ashes on our foreheads remind us that we are dust, we are a tiny blip in the timeline. The cross reminds us that we are dust worthy of notice. We are humbled and worthy, both held together in the hands of the One who spun the universe into motion.

That’s just a lesson my children taught me at the dinner table.

Melanie and Grandpa Kilby
Melanie and Grandpa Kilby

Rev. Melanie Kilby Storie lives in Shelby, NC with her pastor husband, Matt, and her two sons, Aidan and Owen. Currently a tutor at a local school, Melanie is finishing work on a novel, Wildwood Flower set in the Appalachian Mountains of North Carolina about a girl who can talk the fire out of a burn.

Gay Gulick: 300 Children and Counting

For as long as I can remember, I loved the idea of being a mother.

I was a great mother to all my baby dolls. I held them. I kissed them. I told them stories. I sang to them.

As I became a teenager, I was the sought after babysitter in my little hometown. I loved caring for those children and I am still in contact with many of them nearly 30 years later. Oh…my…that makes me feel OLD!

I was a nanny. I have taught preschool. I am a godmother.

I believe that God gave me the ministry of mothering. God has not blessed my husband, Gil, and me with children and only in the last 6 months have I come to be okay if He never does.

As a children’s minister, I have been greatly blessed to “mother” over 300 children and God continues to add to that number regularly.

I feel great joy sitting in a room with 4 & 5 year olds singing praises to God and listening to them declare that their God is even bigger and stronger than Superman or Wonder Woman. My heart leaps when I am holding a 2 year and she looks out the window, points and says, “God made the birds!” I get a lump in my throat when a 3rd grader comes to me and says, “Miss Gay, I want to talk to you about asking Jesus into my heart.”

I praise God and thank Him for this fruitful ministry of mothering. “My babies” are listening and learning to follow Jesus. What more could I ask for?

I have been a children’s minister for ten years now and have learned that truly loving a child can be very hard especially doing it in the way that 1 Corinthians 13 calls us to love . . .

Love is patient. I once had to teach a 5th grader of a fellow minister, who did NOT want to be at Vacation Bible School. He did everything to disrupt the class and be completely disrespectful. He thought for sure that he would get sent home, but I chose to be patient and found a way to engage him in our activities.

He tried my patience those first couple of days, but when I encouraged one of his strengths, he ended up having a good week after all. He is now a college graduate and contemplating going into ministry. Thanks be to God for the ministry of mothering.

Love is kind. Trying to minister to children who do not speak English and have just come to the U.S. with only the clothes on their backs can be overwhelming. Fortunately, the universal language of love is a smile, a hug and a cookie or two. Kindness was the way to bond with the children before they even knew what our words meant. Thanks be to God for the ministry of mothering.

Love Hopes All Things. Children are labeled wherever they go. They are ADHD. They are Caucasian. They are a bully. They are nerds. They are wimpy. They are a ginger. They are short. And on and on…

One of my rules is that we do not put any labels on children other than they are each a child of God. We must love them as Jesus has loved us. Great hope comes from unconditional love. Jesus loves us as we are and we need to love children in the same way. Thanks be to God for the ministry of mothering.

Love Endures All Things I was sexually abused as a child. I kept it hidden and a secret for a very long time. I was ashamed. As an adult, I began sharing and working through all the feelings I had buried since childhood. I wish that I never had to endure that kind of abuse. I would never wish it on anyone.

In my sharing and healing, I became a better person and minister. I have more empathy. I understand the feelings of children who have or are being abused.

God put wonderful people in my path to love me unconditionally when my own parents could not. My parents did their best, but God knew I needed more love and guidance. God provided a church family that took in that ashamed little four year old and they just loved me.

Why? They loved me because Jesus loved them and they wanted me to experience that same love. True love does endure all things.

God has called me to the ministry of mothering. Love is what it is all about. God is love.

My call is to love and love without any conditions. It is hard. I have often failed. I have succeeded. But I wake up each day and try to love harder because God has never stopped loving me.

Thanks be to God for the ministry of mothering.

Gay Gulick

Rev. Gay Gulick is the Minister to Children at First Baptist Church of Wilson, NC. She is married to the Rev. Gil Gulick, the pastor of First Baptist Church of Stantonsburg, NC. Gay is an avid reader and loves to crochet. Currently, Gil and Gay are in the process of becoming licensed foster parents with the hopes of adoption. They currently are the parents of 3 unruly miniature schnauzers, Deacon, Tupper and Phoebe.

Courtney Pace Lyons: Puppy Love

In a previous life, I was terrified of dogs. I was the kid at the backyard birthday party who couldn’t go into the backyard because there was a dog there. And I’m not talking about a large, intimidating dog. I’m talking about a cute little fluffy dog, of which I was absolutely terrified.

But one day in 2006, I received an email from a neighbor inviting me to adopt a foster puppy. I couldn’t explain my sudden deliverance, but I wanted that puppy. I felt called to her.

From the moment we met each other, we were completely smitten. I named her “Jovie,” and found myself doing all kinds of “puppy mommy” things like buying her jackets, baking gourmet dog treats, and scheduling puppy play dates.

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I was not yet a mother when I adopted Jovie, but I was serving as a youth pastor. In so many ways, I feel that I became a mother when I was a youth pastor, which you can read more about here. The cumulative effect of caring for my youth and now caring for this puppy intensified my desire to have my own children. I was just starting a doctoral program, which meant that having a family would have to wait a few more years.

So I adopted another puppy. This time, a border collie corgi mix whose owner didn’t want her because she was the mixed-breed offspring of her full-breed border collie mother. She was playful and happy, all the time. Her coat was solid black, like a bear. I named her Winnie, after Winnipeg the bear, the namesake of Winnie the Pooh.

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When Jovie passed away unexpectedly in June, 2009, exactly one week to the day after my Papa Stanley passed away, I was devastated. When I discovered Jovie’s body, I also discovered Winnie sitting there at her side. I guess that Winnie sensed Jovie was not well and stayed by her side until I could get there.

A few days before this happened, I officiated my Papa’s funeral. He was our family’s minister, and now I am our family’s minister. And in order to make it through his service, I had to suppress my own grief.

When Jovie died, my walls collapsed, and I was beside myself with grief from so much loss in my family. Having Winnie was such a comfort. Not only was she maybe the most loyal being I’d ever known, but she forced me to play again.

In time, my heart opened to adopting a new puppy. As long as Winnie had been in the family, she was one of two dogs, and I could sense that being alone was hard for her. She needed a playmate.

And then I met Scrabble. She was a white Brittany spaniel dachshund mix with the cutest markings on in her fur: a brown heart on her back and what looked like a brown Mickey Mouse on the top of her head. At the pound, I learned that her owners were both soldiers at Ft. Hood and had been deployed overseas, forcing them to put her up for adoption.

Scrabble dictionary Scrabble and winnie together

Scrabble was not as energetic as Winnie, and it took a while for them to learn how to be sisters. But in what seemed like no time, we were all a family.

Not long after, I celebrated that I was expecting a baby! On the first anniversary of my Papa’s death, I told my grandmother that I was pregnant with my son Stanley, named for her late husband. Friends coached me in how to introduce puppies to babies, and their suggestions worked. The puppies tended to keep their distance from Stanley, but as a mother, I treasured the feeling of having us all be family together.

Stanley froggie towel looking at scrabbleStanley smile hug scrabble

When Stanley was learning to walk, he would try to chase the puppies around the couch. When Stanley would cry, Winnie would sit by his crib until I could get there. She was always faithful with the ministry of presence.

As I was going through a difficult divorce, I was grateful for the companionship of my puppies. They helped me feel physically safe in my home as a single mother. They eased some of the loneliness of the times when my son was visiting his father.

My ex ended up with the dogs in our divorce. Not long after he assumed ownership of them, he gave them away. The family with which he placed them lost them the very next day, which I learned when I received a call from the microchip company. The dogs had been found in a parking lot of one of the busiest intersections of our town.

I helped return the puppies to the family, with gritted teeth. I contacted the family a week later to ask how the puppies were doing and was told that they had been given away to another family. My heart was breaking for them. They must have felt so confused and alone.

Two years passed, with no word. I often thought about them, wondering how they were doing, wondering if they were still alive, wondering if they thought about me like I thought about them.

And out of the blue, in December, I received a call from animal control in a town several miles away that they had picked up Scrabble. They had tried to contact her owners multiple times but heard no response. Since my information was on her microchip, they legally gave Scrabble back to me. She was home!

When I picked up my son that afternoon, I told him that we had a puppy. He gasped with excitement. He wanted to race home to meet her. I showed him a picture of him with her when he was little, but I don’t think he understood yet how special this was.

stanley on floor blanket with scrabblestanley walking scrabble

They took to each other instantly. He worried she might be cold and got a blanket for them to share. And they laid there on the rug watching TV together, like the brother and sister I had always hoped they would be.

He loves helping take care of her. Twice a day, he measures her food and puts it in her bowl. (Scrabble eats from a Snoopy bowl and Stanley thought she looked kind of like Snoopy. I did, too, when I chose his baby bedding. Like mother like son.)

He likes to help me hold the leash when we take her out. He likes to pack her toys and snacks when we go on trips. He even likes to share his hats with her, which for him is a really big deal. He tells me sometimes, “Mommy, I’m a good puppy brother.” I smile and agree.

family picture stanley red shirt

I don’t know where Winnie is. Animal control said that she was not with Scrabble, and I pray that wherever she is, she is safe and happy.

My heart rejoices that Scrabble has come home, that my son will grow up with her. There has been so much healing for me since Scrabble came home to us. It’s like a piece of me has come back, like a ripped seam has been mended.

family picture stanley blue shirt

This February, as you reflect on the love in your life, I encourage you to celebrate love in all its forms. This month of love is about so much more than romance.

For me, February is about my family. And we are celebrating how blessed we are to have each other.

. Courtney Lyons Ð head shot Ð 01/23/2014

Courtney Pace Lyons serves at Baylor University, where she earned her PhD, as Assistant Director of Student Success and a Lecturer in the Department of Religion. Proud mother of Stanley and Scrabble, Courtney also wrote “Rev. Dr. Mom” for A Divine Duet: Ministry and Motherhood (www.helwys.com). Her blog is at courtneypacelyons.blogspot.com.

Joanne Costantino: “‘Frozen’: It’s Just a Movie!”

Tayler and Toddy in 2015 snow

When the Disney movie Frozen was released early last year, I was in no rush to see it.

Then I stumbled across a post by Kathryn Skaggs, who blogs at “A Well Behaved Mormon Woman.” The post was entitled “Frozen: Not Gonna ‘Let It Go’ When Movie Advocates Gay Agenda.

At first I thought her initial post about the movie was amusing. She saw subversive messages, particularly advocating homosexuality, as the whole point of the movie.

What followed after her blog post was essentially an onslaught of negative responses that were often so tasteless and rude, she had to shut down the comments. Rightly so. She was expressing her views in her own venue.

My grandchildren had seen the movie, twice, and had already purchased the soundtrack and memorized every song. After reading the post and her follow-up post, “Frozen: My Response to Outrageous Reactions” I decided to check out what all the fuss was.

I really enjoyed the movie, and even bought the soundtrack for myself. I wanted to share my feelings with Ms. Skaggs, but she had locked out reciprocal comments. It’s understandable. Although the social online forum has opened up a means for all kinds of engaging conversation, it also opens an avenue for some folks to respond anonymously with false bravado and self-righteous scorn, as happened in this case.

Kathryn Skaggs is someone who is forthright about her discipleship to Jesus Christ in the Mormon Church. With a great deal of personal fortitude, through her beliefs and testimony, she is a bold voice in opposing what she finds contrary to the LDS Church and teachings. She is admittedly conservative.

And yet I find that she and I have a lot in common with our life paths. Although I hold much more liberal views than Kathryn, we were both married at 18, have successful marriages, a passel of grandchildren and are proud of the lives our own children have forged for themselves.

We find our writing to be meaningful. I write about the “Life I Claim I didn’t Sign Up For” and she writes about her life as an active, socially conscious and well-informed conservative woman with a firm belief in the doctrine of her Church. We are both good listeners and always open to the discourse of any subject, especially if it’s about what we value and believe.

But we will not hesitate to respectfully disagree. She opposes ordination of women. And being a liberal minded Catholic lay woman, I am a proponent of ordained women in the Catholic Church – it is time. We find purpose in our words as strong women. Most relevant to me is that we are both young grandmothers.

Back to the movie “Frozen.” If I saw the same movie over and over, as she did, (I think she saw it about four times with her grandchildren), I’d probably begin to see some subversive message as well. No wonder she couldn’t let it go!

I enjoy taking my grandkids to see a movie, ONCE, not over and over and over. I want my time with the grandkids to be entertaining and enjoyable, not a necessary teaching moment in reality, let alone morality. Movie theaters are dark for the main reason that the viewer will be undistracted and suspend reality long enough to be entertained – let it go.

It is questionable to me that my 8, 17 and 18 year old grandchildren would make the assumption that “Let It Go” is an allegory for any kind of sexuality, unless they were directed to that line of thought.

As a matter of fact, the 8 year old Meghan (Todzilla) was fascinated by Anna more so than Elsa. She found Anna to be spunky and brave in her determination to seek out her sister on her own and convince her to return home. It also didn’t hurt that Anna sang more songs. Our Meghan is pretty spirited herself; maybe she relates to Anna’s spunky spirit.

The 18 year old, a first year college student, sings “Do You Wanna Build a Snowman?” on her iPod, out loud, as I drop her off at her train station in the morning. I enjoy the childlike joy this blossoming young woman exudes as she sings about playing in the snow with her sister.

THAT’s what “Frozen” is about to me: family, fearlessness, and letting go long enough to just play and accept the grace of just being present in each other’s life. And that’s a powerful message.

mike and Joanne prom

Joanne Costantino is a Philly girl and “cafeteria Catholic” laywoman living in the wild suburbs of South Jersey, where she still pines for city life. She graduated from college in 2008, two weeks shy of the birth of her 4th grandchild. The “accidental matriarch” of a life she didn’t sign up for, Joanne chronicles that life at www.weneedmoresundaydinners.blogspot.com.

Becky Caswell-Speight: “Wake Up! God’s Calling”

Last Sunday, during a lesson on God calling Samuel (I Sam. 3:1-10), one of the children looked up at me and said, “Boy I’m sure glad that I’m not Samuel. I like to sleep too much. I wouldn’t have woken up if God kept calling after me.” After a few inner giggles, I replied, “Yeah, I really like my sleep, too.”

This conversation reminded me of my two girls and one of the many interactions that happen in our family because of the movie “Frozen.”At our house we have a love/hate relationship with the movie.

My four year old daughter Evelyn LOVES it! Her entire room from the calendar to the bedspread is decorated in “Frozen.” She has cups, plates, dolls, stuffed animals books and posters all displaying Elsa, Anna, Olaf, and Sven. She loves to play pretend and dress up in her Elsa costume and the day is pure perfection if she has the chance to wear an Elsa braid.

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Her big sister Ainsley, one the other hand, if she never has to hear about Elsa’s ice powers again, it won’t be too soon. You might think her dislike exists because her younger sister woke up to breakfast and the movie every single morning for six months. But you would be wrong.

I believe that her pure dislike for the movie came about the time her younger sister memorized every song and line and started using it to torture her–I mean, wake her up–in the morning.

A normal morning sounds a bit like this:

Evelyn: Sissy! Psst! [shakes Ainsley a little harder] Psst! Psst! Sissy! [shakes Ainsley again] Wake up, wake up! Wake up, Sissy!
Ainlsey: Evelyn, leave me alone [said in the most groggy go away voice that she can muster].
Evelyn: I just can’t! The sky’s awake, so I’m awake. We have to play!
Ainlsey: Go away, Evelyn!

This interaction is always topped off by Ainsley with a dramatic flop onto her back and a hand on her forehead for added effect. This repeats at least three or four times until Ainsley drags herself out of bed and into the playroom to act out whatever scene Evelyn has chosen.

Back to Samuel: As Samuel was lying down after a long day of caring for the Temple, he hears, “Samuel!” He thinks it is Eli calling, but Eli says no. So Samuel goes back to bed. Twice more, as he is  beginning to go back to sleep, he hears, “Samuel.”

Still not recognizing God’s voice, Samuel goes back to Eli each time. Eli, being a smart man, finally tells Samuel if he hears his name being called again it is God and to reply accordingly.

Finally after the fourth call, Samuel finally understands that it is God’s voice calling his name and he answers, “Lord, speak, for your servant is listening.”

Why couldn’t Samuel hear God’s voice? If it is God’s voice wouldn’t you think he would recognize that? Samuel thought Eli was calling him. Even after hearing God’s voice three times he still had to rely on Eli to help him understand.

Samuel could have been tired. Maybe it wasn’t the perfect time for Samuel to recognize God’s call. If he was anything like Elsa, my oldest daughter Ainsley, or my little Sunday school friend, he could have missed the call once or twice because he “really likes his sleep.”

The good thing is that God calls us. Sometimes God calls us and we don’t hear the call. Sometimes God calls and we don’t understand it. Sometime God calls and we aren’t ready to follow it.

The good news is that even if we don’t understand the call, God keeps calling. God keeps calling.

So . . . how is God calling you? How is God helping you wake up to follow your calling?

May God give us ears to hear and courage to follow.

Rebecca Caswell-Speight, Minister of Families with Children at Smoke Rise Baptist Church in Stone Mountain, GA, has served as a minster in many settings. Recently transplanted from Louisville, KY,  she and her husband, Josh, are parents to two vibrant, growing girls.

Jenny Call: Empowering the “Good Girl”: a Disney Princess I Can Get Behind

I don’t go to movies often as I would prefer to curl up with a book, but checking out the latest Disney movie, “Frozen”, seemed like a nice family activity to wind down Thanksgiving. I had heard positive reviews of both the movie’s message and music, but I was still surprisingly blown away. This may become my favorite Disney movie of all time. While the animation was lovely and the characters were charming, I resonated with the themes of the story as they connected with a book I’ve been reading. After savoring Emily P. Freeman’s latest book A Million Little Ways, : Uncover the Art You Were Made to Live, I began reading her earlier work, Grace for the Good Girl: Letting Go of the Try-Hard Life.

I’m a self-proclaimed “good girl”, and was often derided as a “goody-two-shoes” in my younger days. Performing well at school and at church became a mask for me, a way of creating an image of having it all together. The outer shell of “perfection” hid the fears and chaos I held inside. Somehow I had received the message that if I did all the “right” things then I would find happiness. It’s still a battle I fight daily, balancing my Pinterest ideals with a lovely (but not perfect) reality. I struggle with my inner critic and the voices of a culture that sells me the idea that I must buy more and do more to be more. There are the societal norms that regulate what I “should” say and how I should act as a woman, and religious dogma that sometimes narrowly defines (and denies) my role and call as a woman in ministry.

I’ve hidden behind my “good girl” persona, doing what I can to please others, be nice, and do what is expected of me. I’ve hidden and apologized for my anger and have not spoken up when I should have. I’ve relied too much on myself, as Emily Freeman describes the good girl in her book, “Hiding behind that good-looking mask, her arms are folded too tightly to give and receive grace, or to fall into an embrace from a God who sees beyond her good reputation” (Grace for the Good Girl, p. 45). It has caused me to keep others (and sometimes God) at a distance, and has allowed fear to make too many of my decisions.

This is where I most connected with the movie “Frozen”. The story centers around two sisters, who being Disney main characters are, of course, princesses. The elder sister, Elsa, has a special gift of creating snow and ice just from her touch. This provides magical snowy playscape for the sisters until Elsa accidentally hurts Anna with her powers. Elsa feels guilty and afraid and vows to hide what she now sees as a curse. When she is unable to control it, she ends up hiding herself away, putting distance between the sisters. After their parents die in a shipwreck (why do parents so often meet an unfortunate end in Disney movies??) and Elsa is preparing for her coronation as queen, her magic is unintentionally revealed. In fear, and for others’ protection, she runs away from her home, creating a new castle for herself out of ice (there’s a strong metaphor). She is alone, but finds freedom in finally being able to be who she truly is without hiding. She is surprised by the beauty that results.

At this point in the movie, Elsa (voiced by Idina Menzel of “Wicked” fame), sings “Let it Go”. Here are some of the powerful lyrics:

Don’t let them in, don’t let them see,
Be the good girl you always had to be.
Conceal, don’t feel, don’t let them know.
Well now they know.

Let it go, let it go
Can’t hold it back anymore
Let it go, let it go
Turn my back and slam the door
And here I stand and here I’ll stay
Let it go, let it go
The cold never bothered me anyway

It’s funny how some distance makes everything seem small
And the fears that once controlled me, can’t get to me at all.
Up here in the cold thin air, I finally can breathe.
I know I left a life behind, but I’m too relieved to grieve.

There are twists in the plot that keep the movie from being a traditional Disney story. In fact, the movie pokes fun at the idea that the females need to be rescued, or that all is made right with “true love’s kiss”. In the end, it’s the bonds of sisterhood that are the evidence of true love, and the strength of the female characters save the day. Love is the cure for the power that has become destructive, and it restores everything to wholeness and beauty. Elsa learns that there is power and freedom in letting go of the walls she has built and seeking connection with others. Her strength comes in learning to embrace and use her gift, viewing it through a lens of art instead of fear.

What if we could all do the same? What if we could break through the places where fear has frozen us and find the empowerment to be who we were created to be?

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Perhaps I should take my tea bag wisdom seriously.

This post originally appeared on Jenny’s blog www.called.blogspot.com on November 30, 2013.

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Jenny Call is a minister, mother and chaplain at Hollins University, a women’s college in Virginia. Her essay, “Letting Go” (how apropos!) was published in A Divine Duet: Ministry and Motherhood www.helwys.com.

Anna Kate Shurley: Discovering the Winner

Epiphany

Matthew 2:1-12

Three days before Thanksgiving, our family piled into our dirty minivan and headed north from Mississippi to Virginia, where we would be celebrating the holiday with my parents. One of our many pit stops took us to a nice convenience store somewhere in rural Alabama. It was a perfect place for our preschooler and toddler to stretch their legs and run off a bit of their abundant energy.

Much to our children’s delight, this convenience store had its own claw game (you know, the machines that allow you to wager a dollar that you can pick up and retain a stuffed animal with a mechanical claw), which is one of their favorite ways to spend (and lose) our money.Mercifully, we didn’t have any cash on us, so we couldn’t lose any money this time around.

Virginia (the preschooler) quickly found something else to hold her attention, but Oliver (the toddler) was still fascinated by the claw game, and chose to linger in its general vicinity. Several people walked past Oliver on their way to the restrooms, and many looked at him and smiled. Ever the outgoing, friendly PK, he smiled in return, and usually said hello.

One gentleman, after watching a couple of these exchanges, walked past Oliver, looked at him, smiled, and said, “He’s a winner! That boy there is a winner!”

As Oliver’s mother, I have had similar thoughts about him every day of his life. Doting of this magnitude makes sense coming from a proud and grateful parent.

But what was it about our son that evoked such high praise from a stranger in a convenience store? Was it his delicious chubby cheeks, big brown eyes, and strawberry-blonde hair? Was it his fun personality? Or was it, quite possibly, some sort of hunch that our boy is destined for something extraordinary?

We celebrated Oliver’s second birthday on December 26. As wonderful as he is, I don’t ever compare him to the Christ child whose birthday we celebrate the day before.

But this year, on this Epiphany Tuesday, I can’t help but think back on the exchange between our son and an Alabama stranger and wonder if Jesus’ encounter with the Magi might have had some similarities. If some New Testament scholars are right, Jesus could’ve actually been a toddler by the time the wise men reached him.

When I consider this possibility, my imagination runs wild. What was the Christ-toddler like during this unusual visit? Did he hurl gold, frankincense, and myrrh across the room just for fun? Did he demand snacks and juice mid-morning? Did he insist on snuggling with his mother (and pulling her hair, and wiping his runny nose on her clean robe) as they entertained their guests?

Aside from the grand star that hovered over his house and a dream about King Herod’s nefarious plans for him, what was it about this little boy that compelled the Magi to “[leave] for their own country by another road” (Mt. 2:12)? How did they know that he was the Holy One, and why did they care? How could they know that this little boy would be THE Winner, who would give the world its salvation as his most gracious prize?

We know the Epiphany story; we tell it every year. We know the Christ whose coming has made all the difference for us. Even so, I believe we have to discover him again, and again, and again—year after year, and even day after day.

Can we believe—this day and every day—that he has, in fact, won for us abundant life? Can we place “the hopes and fears of all the years” at the feet of the holy child of Bethlehem, trusting that God’s plans are perfect and God’s grace is sufficient?

In these early days of a new year, it is difficult to know what our life of Christian discipleship will look like. What will surprise us? What will empower us? What will challenge us? What will frighten us? What will cause us to question our vocations, our choices, or our very selves?

My hope and prayer is that in the midst of all that comes our way this year, we will discover our Winner. I hope and pray that we discover the Christ who has won the battle against all that might otherwise keep us from doing and being all that we have been called to do and be.

After all, He is born. He is risen. He is here. Hallelujah indeed.

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Anna Kate Shurley has been a youth minister, campus minister, and hospital chaplain. She hopes add “author” to her list of vocational identities this year as she transforms her doctoral dissertation into a book. Anna Kate currently serves a congregation of two (her children, Virginia and Oliver), in Gulfport, Mississippi, where she lives with them and her husband, Will.